What kind of Mother?

Recently, I was listening to this broadcast on NPR (love me some NPR!). The discussion was based on this article called "What Kind of Mother Leaves Her Kids?". The article is about mothers who willingly choose to leave their children. It is not about mothers who need to give up custody or have their children removed from their home, but mothers who give up custody simply because they would rather be doing something else (examples are given of wanting to become a lawyer, do more writing, etc.). 

I cannot judge these women. Their choices are their own, and I do not know their situation. But listening to this discussion really got me thinking. It made me think about my own motherhood.

The morning before I heard this broadcast, I had been sulking and thinking about what things I had to "give up" to be a mother. Soon after that  I saw this video:

I think most mothers at some moment (however small that moment) can imagine something that would be more enjoyable than raising children. As much as I love my son and love being a stay at home mom, every once in a while the nagging voice creeps into my head about how much I'm "missing out" on. However, it doesn't stay for long. 

So for me, the NPR discussion brought up a different, more important (I think) question. The question should not be "What kind of Mother would leave her children?" but rather, "What is the difference between a Mother who leaves and one who stays?" Or better yet, "What is the difference between a Mother who leaves and one who stays- and enjoys it?"

What do you think? What makes the difference? Are some people just not cut out for motherhood, as they talk about in the article? Is it right or wrong to pursue what one thinks will make them the most happy? Should we view the fact that more mothers give up custody as a step in equal rights?

As I've pondered these thoughts and questions, I think the difference between mothers who leave and ones who stay is the value one places on the role of a mother. I was raised to believe that motherhood is the highest calling, a sacred and noble gift given to all women, regardless of whether or not she has children. Because I believe this, it gets me through the hard days when I have spit up all over my clothes and can't seem to make a dent in the housework. It reminds me that what I am doing has eternal consequences, and will effect generations to come.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic. What do you think?

And on the lighter side of motherhood, this video struck a chord with me today:

In Case of Zombie Apocalypse

A while ago, my friend Kelly and I were discussing how we needed to get physically fit. 

"I don't need to be super-fit," she said, "Just fit enough to outrun a zombie."

Via

I thought this was smart and I heartily agreed. I don't plan on running a marathon, but I need to be strong enough to last if I was in mortal danger (from zombies, bears, tea partiers, etc.).

Yesterday I went to my first high-intensity workout class since before Baby was born. 

Today I can't move. 

So, in case of Zombie Apocalypse, you might want to leave me behind.


**UPDATE: Stephen insists that I need to clarify what kind of Zombies, since apparently they all have different strengths (he claims there are three types: Dawn of the Dead, Resident Evil, or Left for Dead), and some of them are faster than other. I was referring to the fast-moving-want-to-eat-my-brains type.**

Changes

For most of my life, my self-worth was directly related to how many things I was involved in. 

It seemed that I always had to be as involved and busy as possible to feel like I was special. 

But when I had my baby, something changed. There became one thing that I wanted to be involved in the most. I wanted to be busy with my family.

I always figured I would be a "career mom," working outside of the home while still loving and having enough time to be an awesome mother. (In fact, I remember a time when I wanted to be a single mom-the thought of marriage was gross-and adopt 26 kids all from different countries. Why 26? So I could name them all after a different letter of the alphabet. Silly? That's me.)   But when I had my baby, things changed. The first couple weeks back in the daily grind of work and school weren't bad at all. As the weeks progressed, I got more and more tired, and my mind and heart were more and more wrapped up in work. It became hard to give my son the attention, effort, and energy I would have liked simply because my life was spent in so many other places. 

Don't get me wrong, I had a great job, and a great academic life. The best. 

But it wasn't home. 

My heart began changing. 

So I made the decision to become a full-time stay at home mom. What a life change!

After answering to deadlines and supervisors, my time became mine to manage. 

Rather than counseling students and doing drama therapy, I became an entertainer for my baby.

Instead of positive feedback from clients and a paycheck, my validation was a child who babbles and cries. 

In place of a nice office with a window, I was suddenly the custodian to my own home. 

No more coming home exhausted from interaction with people, just craving human interaction.

Instead of finding happiness outside my house, I have found the deepest joy and fulfillment from a little 12 pound bundle of pure heaven.

I know that not every parent gets to stay at home, and I recognize that many people make different choices that are right for them. But what was right for me was choosing to stay at home. I've noticed three main improvements since staying home:

- My relationship with my child has gotten stronger and more tender

- My relationship with my husband had become less selfish and more patient

-My relationship with God has been given some much needed time and pondering. 

Now, it hasn't all been perfect. It is HARD work. The first two weeks I stayed home, it was like a vacation. Since I previously had very little free time, whatever free time I had was devoted to leisure. So the first two weeks of staying home were completely selfish. I watched tv, surfed the internet, read books, etc. After two weeks of being completely lazy and unfulfilled (not to mention having my house look like a disaster), I decided something had to change. 

Which brings us to now. 

Now I'm trying to learn how to manage time well and motivate myself without a deadline. 

Now I'm realizing that staying at home means that I become the creator of the home, physically and emotionally. 

Now I know that a child needs some sort of structure and activities. 

Now I know that it is possible for me to learn to cook and clean (and yes, even craft).

Now I'm discovering parts of myself I didn't know was there, just because of staying home. 

So please, join me on my journey. This blog will be all about staying home, being a woman, wifey stuff, growing and learning, creating a home, drama therapy, and things I think about a lot. I hope as you join me, you'll contribute your own thoughts as well, and a dialogue will be born.