Christmas Wisdom From My Mother

I don't know if you knew this, but I have an absolutely incredible mother. She sent our family an email earlier this week that really inspired me, and I wanted to share part of it with all of you:

Hi Family,

Although we are all excited for  Christmas, I have also sensed some stress out there.  No one is in a place where their Christmas can be driven by what they can afford to buy for others.  I remember those years when I wasn't sure if we were going to make it through.  They were stressful, but now are some of the sweetest memories for me.  I was thinking of how to help you get more out of the Christmas season and I have come up with the ideas below.  None of them cost a lot of money or a lot of time.  But, they will increase the Christmas spirit in your heart and make the holidays meaningful.  Choose one or two to do a week.  Choose some to do on your own, some to do with your spouse or as a family. Sit down with this note for family home evening tonight and commit to doing some of these activities.  The season will go by quickly.  Capture the magic by doing the things that really matter.  

Love Mom and Dad

PS:  We will look forward to hearing about your experiences.

1.  Start the season by reading the Christmas story first.

2.  Make a favorite dessert and take it to a neighbor.

3.  When you go to the store purchase a five dollar gift card.  Then give it to the cashier.

4.  Say a prayer for a friend or family member in need.  Pray for them every day this month.

5.  Write a note to an elderly person.  They enjoy having something they can read over and over.

6.  Gather all the carts in the grocery store parking lot and put them away.

7.  Compile a list of favorite quotes for someone to open when they are discouraged.  Wrap it up and give it to them to save for the right moment.

8.  Give someone a small appreciation gift...like a teacher, a librarian, the dentist, the post man etc.

9.  Let someone in line before you at the store.

10. Take a hot drink and sandwich to a Salvation Army Bell Ringer.  A pair of warm socks would be nice too.

11. Call friends or family members you have lost touch with.

12. Give an extra tip to someone who helps you, or write a note to their manager about how you appreciated their good work.

13.  Visit the Humane Society and spend time with the animals.

14. Compile a CD of Christmas music or happy music to hand out to others that seem to need a lift.

15. Offer to wrap presents for a mother in the neighborhood who has several children.  If you wrap them the kids won't see.

16. Cook a meal for a busy mother.  They can get pretty frazzled this time of year.

17. Just spend an evening singing or listening to Christmas carols and basking in Christmas lights.  (You can buy a string of them at All a Dollar)

18. Ask a cashier what their favorite candy bar is and buy it for them.

19. Pray to begin forgiving someone.  Keep praying until you can.  Let them know you are working on it.

20. Be a secret friend to the most obnoxious, least deserving person you can find.  Make it a real challenge.  Pray for charity that you might actually want to interact with them.

21.  Give up your emails for one day.  Talk to each person personally instead of texting or emailing them.

22.  Take a night walk and ponder the night the Savior was born.

23. Take treats to someone who will not get the holidays off---police, fire, hospital.

24.  Visit a nursing home and actually visit with someone and give them treats.  Ask them to tell you about their Christmases.

25.  Read Christmas stories to a child and make a birthday cake for Jesus.

26.  Pray for extra patience and then ponder on it and maintain it all day.  If you can't do it the first day...keep trying.

27.  Take time to help someone else prepare and do the work of having the family over for Christmas.

28.  Take time to quietly ponder what Christmas means to you and why.  Write it down.

29.  Read the entire Book of Mormon again in December.

30.  Clean or cook for someone....it might even be for your spouse.

Those are my mother's suggestions. As a family we have done and planned to do many of them. I have truly felt the spirit of Christmas more in my life because of doing these things.

So, I extend the challenge to you. What are you doing to encourage the true meaning of Christmas in your life? I would love to hear what you do to celebrate Christmas and keep Christ's spirit of service alive. If you blog about it, feel free to leave a link in the comments!

It's Okay Friday

This idea was taken from my friend Ayzlynn, who writes one of these every Friday. The idea is sort of a "confessions" type, but also is a good reminder that we are okay just the way we are. So here we go.

It's okay....

... that I don't blog for six months and then decide to post something.

... that I got very emotional while watching The Hunger Games trailer.

... that my favorite pregnancy food has been frozen Hostess chocolate cupcakes. Gross most of the time, but I could eat them non-stop right now.

... that Stephen suggested the new baby could sleep under the stairs so he would grow up to be the next Harry Potter and I actually considered it for a second.

... that I cried after getting an unexpected bill in the mail.

... that I am a bit sad that all my Christmas shopping is done. Next year I need to leave a little bit for the actual time in between Thanksgiving and Christmas so it doesn't seem so anti-climatic.

... that I am finally taking down the window decals I had up for Halloween. (In my defense, they were pumpkins and spiders- that could seem Thanksgiving-y, right?)

...that I have decided my little family needs more Thanksgiving traditions next year. I mean, eating a big meal is great and all, but I need to think up something a little more than that.

...that I worked really hard to make a special dish for the Thanksgiving meal, and everyone was more interested in turkey, mashed potatoes and stuffing that they didn't even want to try what I had brought, so I had a whole pan left.

... that I plan on eating above mentioned whole pan even if I have to do it myself.

... that I am more excited to visit my family on Christmas than I can express!

I really like the idea of "It's Okay Friday," and hope you do too. Stay tuned for an overhaul of the blog, and a post about WHY I was gone from the interwebs for six months. Remember that no matter what- you are okay!

15 Second Rule

My husband and I recently watched Shrek 3. At the end of the movie, Shrek has three little ogres:

Shrek and Fiona have their hands full, and at the end of a hard day, they are finally alone. Shrek looks at Fiona and says (somewhat suggesitvely), "Well, what shall we do now?", and then the screen cuts to the Shrek and Fiona passed out in bed, fully clothed on top of the covers, completely exhausted. My husband and I cracked up laughing. Why? Because it seemed all too familiar. 

Having a child certainly changes a marriage. Even without kids, after a while a relationship can become comfortable and less exciting. If you haven't seen this (super cheesy, but great) remake of Taylor Swift's "Love Story" by comedienne Anita Renfroe, it describes how "real life" things happen even in the middle of our fairy tales, and that romance is ever-evolving.

 

I think that physical affection is an important part of a strong marriage, and we don't give it the importance it deserves. We had a friend who mentioned the 15 second challenge, and we've decided to adopt it at our house. The challenge is simple:

Kiss for at least 15 consecutive seconds every day. 

Sound easy? It made me realize that my husband and I still kiss- but they seem to be just little "pecks" in coming and going. And that 15 seconds is a pretty long time, but it is worth it to keep the magic alive, right? No matter how long a couple is together, or how many kids and/or stressors they have in life- I think this is a great way to set aside a small amount of time just devoted to a sincere expression of affection.

What about you? How do you keep the romance even in the midst of life's crazyness?

Some things I love

Someone please make me this Gryffindor apron:

Via

Seriously, I would love you forever. I would attempt it, but my craft skills are not quite up to par. My favorite part is that the skirt/tulle is a part of the apron! This would be perfect for the Harry Potter birthday party I want to throw this summer, complete with these Butter Beer Cupcakes:

Click for recipe

But, for something that my meager craft skills may be able to accomplish, AE Jones spotted this treasure:

Via

I think I may try to make this growth chart for my parents' anniversary. I would write "Growing with Grandma and Grandpa" or something like that on it, and it would be for when all their grandchildren visit. I love it, and it looks relatively simple.

As my son starts to get more active, I'm realizing that an important part of my mothering job is going to be thinking up activities for my children. My friend Allie, who did our engagement photos, is super-creative, and started a segment at her blog called:

Play with your kids: No. 1

Her first idea is about a rainbow day at the park. She mentions making rainbow streamers and have all the children run down a hill! So simple and fun. In working on my mothering, I have learned that I get to choose what kind of mom I want to be. I think it takes more work to be a fun mom, but Allie has some great ideas, and now I want to have a rainbow day!

This week I saw someone who looked a lot like my older brother. That got me thinking about him and the interesting relationship we have. Not unlike many brother-sister combos, we didn't get along growing up, and then suddenly we moved out and missed each other fiercely.  So when I stumbled upon Pioneer Woman's photography assignment about Brothers, I got a little emotional. Check out some of the wonderful pictures here.

I'm also planning on making this jelly from dandelions sometime soon:

From Jeanetics

What do you love lately? Found anything great on the internet? I'd love to hear about it!

Don't let that inner child slip away.

Besides clothing and video games, my husband really didn't have a lot of material items that he brought to our home together when we were married.

However, he was sure to bring this:

He can still sing all the words to the theme song.

 His TMNT pillowcase is threadbare, and probably 20 years old, but he loves it, and insists on putting it on our bed as much as possible.

I think it's cute. I like the reminder of childhood. 

Do you have anything that reminds you of your childhood? How do you keep your inner child around?

What kind of Mother?

Recently, I was listening to this broadcast on NPR (love me some NPR!). The discussion was based on this article called "What Kind of Mother Leaves Her Kids?". The article is about mothers who willingly choose to leave their children. It is not about mothers who need to give up custody or have their children removed from their home, but mothers who give up custody simply because they would rather be doing something else (examples are given of wanting to become a lawyer, do more writing, etc.). 

I cannot judge these women. Their choices are their own, and I do not know their situation. But listening to this discussion really got me thinking. It made me think about my own motherhood.

The morning before I heard this broadcast, I had been sulking and thinking about what things I had to "give up" to be a mother. Soon after that  I saw this video:

I think most mothers at some moment (however small that moment) can imagine something that would be more enjoyable than raising children. As much as I love my son and love being a stay at home mom, every once in a while the nagging voice creeps into my head about how much I'm "missing out" on. However, it doesn't stay for long. 

So for me, the NPR discussion brought up a different, more important (I think) question. The question should not be "What kind of Mother would leave her children?" but rather, "What is the difference between a Mother who leaves and one who stays?" Or better yet, "What is the difference between a Mother who leaves and one who stays- and enjoys it?"

What do you think? What makes the difference? Are some people just not cut out for motherhood, as they talk about in the article? Is it right or wrong to pursue what one thinks will make them the most happy? Should we view the fact that more mothers give up custody as a step in equal rights?

As I've pondered these thoughts and questions, I think the difference between mothers who leave and ones who stay is the value one places on the role of a mother. I was raised to believe that motherhood is the highest calling, a sacred and noble gift given to all women, regardless of whether or not she has children. Because I believe this, it gets me through the hard days when I have spit up all over my clothes and can't seem to make a dent in the housework. It reminds me that what I am doing has eternal consequences, and will effect generations to come.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic. What do you think?

And on the lighter side of motherhood, this video struck a chord with me today:

In Case of Zombie Apocalypse

A while ago, my friend Kelly and I were discussing how we needed to get physically fit. 

"I don't need to be super-fit," she said, "Just fit enough to outrun a zombie."

Via

I thought this was smart and I heartily agreed. I don't plan on running a marathon, but I need to be strong enough to last if I was in mortal danger (from zombies, bears, tea partiers, etc.).

Yesterday I went to my first high-intensity workout class since before Baby was born. 

Today I can't move. 

So, in case of Zombie Apocalypse, you might want to leave me behind.


**UPDATE: Stephen insists that I need to clarify what kind of Zombies, since apparently they all have different strengths (he claims there are three types: Dawn of the Dead, Resident Evil, or Left for Dead), and some of them are faster than other. I was referring to the fast-moving-want-to-eat-my-brains type.**

Changes

For most of my life, my self-worth was directly related to how many things I was involved in. 

It seemed that I always had to be as involved and busy as possible to feel like I was special. 

But when I had my baby, something changed. There became one thing that I wanted to be involved in the most. I wanted to be busy with my family.

I always figured I would be a "career mom," working outside of the home while still loving and having enough time to be an awesome mother. (In fact, I remember a time when I wanted to be a single mom-the thought of marriage was gross-and adopt 26 kids all from different countries. Why 26? So I could name them all after a different letter of the alphabet. Silly? That's me.)   But when I had my baby, things changed. The first couple weeks back in the daily grind of work and school weren't bad at all. As the weeks progressed, I got more and more tired, and my mind and heart were more and more wrapped up in work. It became hard to give my son the attention, effort, and energy I would have liked simply because my life was spent in so many other places. 

Don't get me wrong, I had a great job, and a great academic life. The best. 

But it wasn't home. 

My heart began changing. 

So I made the decision to become a full-time stay at home mom. What a life change!

After answering to deadlines and supervisors, my time became mine to manage. 

Rather than counseling students and doing drama therapy, I became an entertainer for my baby.

Instead of positive feedback from clients and a paycheck, my validation was a child who babbles and cries. 

In place of a nice office with a window, I was suddenly the custodian to my own home. 

No more coming home exhausted from interaction with people, just craving human interaction.

Instead of finding happiness outside my house, I have found the deepest joy and fulfillment from a little 12 pound bundle of pure heaven.

I know that not every parent gets to stay at home, and I recognize that many people make different choices that are right for them. But what was right for me was choosing to stay at home. I've noticed three main improvements since staying home:

- My relationship with my child has gotten stronger and more tender

- My relationship with my husband had become less selfish and more patient

-My relationship with God has been given some much needed time and pondering. 

Now, it hasn't all been perfect. It is HARD work. The first two weeks I stayed home, it was like a vacation. Since I previously had very little free time, whatever free time I had was devoted to leisure. So the first two weeks of staying home were completely selfish. I watched tv, surfed the internet, read books, etc. After two weeks of being completely lazy and unfulfilled (not to mention having my house look like a disaster), I decided something had to change. 

Which brings us to now. 

Now I'm trying to learn how to manage time well and motivate myself without a deadline. 

Now I'm realizing that staying at home means that I become the creator of the home, physically and emotionally. 

Now I know that a child needs some sort of structure and activities. 

Now I know that it is possible for me to learn to cook and clean (and yes, even craft).

Now I'm discovering parts of myself I didn't know was there, just because of staying home. 

So please, join me on my journey. This blog will be all about staying home, being a woman, wifey stuff, growing and learning, creating a home, drama therapy, and things I think about a lot. I hope as you join me, you'll contribute your own thoughts as well, and a dialogue will be born.